Mothering from Outside

(This is the first of the bird story.)

Today seems to be "pre-flight day" on our back deck. One baby robin has already fled the nest leaving two reluctant siblings behind.

The mother is flying back and forth between two small trees, alternating between loud calls and a more gutteral sound from the back of her throat. There is a continual conversation going on between mother and offspring. The one on the nest's edge keeps responding to her, showing some motion towards flying but no real action.

"You can do it, dear. I just know you can, " I imagine the mother saying.

"But I don't think I'm ready yet. I've never done it before. I'm afraid I'll fall."

From the side, I find myself joining the conversation with, "You can do it, little guy. You must be ready to fly, if your mom is calling. Just go for it!"

I realize that they have everything they need to fly. The wings are getting stronger as they flap them. Neither has the confidence that comes from the experience of actually flying. It sure is a long ways to the ground should the wings fail to do their job. (That's what I'm seeing and thinking too.)

Then I hear the second bird from behind join in. Maybe he's saying, "Just get on with it. If you won't go, then let me try."

Sure enough, within a few seconds, he has emerged from the back and is literally pushing his brother out of the nest. There's a scurry and flutter of wings as they jostle for position. Yet with a tight grip on the edge of the nest, there is no flying success for the first little bird. Maybe they are changing places.

The mother seems to fly away for periods of time and then swoops back. It's like she's giving them some space, maybe thinking, "They'll try if they think they're alone."

When she comes back to see how they're doing, the chatter starts up once again. Maybe there's more nagging than encouraging going on, but she's not leaving the scene, and shows no sign of abandoning her post.

Would she have more success from inside the nest? I don't think there'd be any incentive for the little birds to leave if things stayed comfortable. Mom keeps modelling how to fly and is quite insistent that they have to go for it. I admire her persistence and self sacrifice. She's not worrying about anything else for the time being.

Maybe the take-away for me is to lessen the coddling at home. As long as I make it easy for my kids, how will they strengthen their skills for independent living? When I was immobilized with my cast, they had to do more, and they did it well. Now I'm back to doing the cooking and cleaning again. Maybe it's time for me to pull back and push my girls to share more of the load.