Who Am I?
A writing prompt was given to me by Rebel Diaries, a community I've joined for the next 10 weeks. With pen in hand, I asked myself THE question, "Who am I?"
My growing list of self-identity statements dragged on past mother, wife, teacher and friend to writer, encourager and listener. Before long it included things like dreamer, searcher and rebel of status quo. I also had to include victim, rescuer and protector. I was past forty on my list before adding leader, follower and thinker. Is this mess of complexity really who I am?
I started another list - Who am I in Christ? Adopted by God, wildly loved and forgiven topped my list. It grew to include righteous, alive in Jesus and the apple of God's eye. Masterpiece, pleasing to God and transformed made me catch my breath. Did I really believe all that was on this second list?
I woke in the night with anxious thoughts swirling once again. The antidote for elusive sleep turned out to be a phrase from a song, "Hold on to the promises....Jesus is alive, so hold tight, Hold on to the promises."
It wasn't till I woke this morning that the full realization came to me. In my heart of hearts, I really must not believe this! I know I'm loved by God but my heart is challenging that. From the complexity of past history combined with environmental upbringing, I still exhibit orphan behaviours. I've been part of this spiritual kingdom for years, but my heart is pushing away the deepest truths about me.
It's like I"m living inside the walls of a glorious kingdom but I can't possibly believe that I can really be a princess. When will my shriveled heart catch up with the truest thing about me? Will the rest of my life come into alignment when my heart boundaries begin to expand?
My growing list of self-identity statements dragged on past mother, wife, teacher and friend to writer, encourager and listener. Before long it included things like dreamer, searcher and rebel of status quo. I also had to include victim, rescuer and protector. I was past forty on my list before adding leader, follower and thinker. Is this mess of complexity really who I am?
I started another list - Who am I in Christ? Adopted by God, wildly loved and forgiven topped my list. It grew to include righteous, alive in Jesus and the apple of God's eye. Masterpiece, pleasing to God and transformed made me catch my breath. Did I really believe all that was on this second list?
I woke in the night with anxious thoughts swirling once again. The antidote for elusive sleep turned out to be a phrase from a song, "Hold on to the promises....Jesus is alive, so hold tight, Hold on to the promises."
It wasn't till I woke this morning that the full realization came to me. In my heart of hearts, I really must not believe this! I know I'm loved by God but my heart is challenging that. From the complexity of past history combined with environmental upbringing, I still exhibit orphan behaviours. I've been part of this spiritual kingdom for years, but my heart is pushing away the deepest truths about me.
It's like I"m living inside the walls of a glorious kingdom but I can't possibly believe that I can really be a princess. When will my shriveled heart catch up with the truest thing about me? Will the rest of my life come into alignment when my heart boundaries begin to expand?
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