Stones of Remembrance

This was written by my mom a few years ago, to be shared at their 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration with family and friends.  She has been sharing copies with friends ever since until now the print copies are gone.  Thinking that it might be easier to share digitally, I add it now to my own stories, told in the voice of Mary Sider.

Stones of Remembrance

BACKGROUND

                The Bible study class at church was studying the book of Joshua and we were reading the story of the people miraculously crossing the Jordan River.  After getting across safely, God told the leaders to pick twelve stones out of the river.  They were to carry them to the other side to build a memorial to God.  Joshua told them, “When your children ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ you are to tell them what God did so amazingly to get the people across the river.”

                As I reflected on this story, I felt that Neale and I should build a “memorial monument” to remember God’s wonderful intervention in our lives over the years of our marriage.  I mentioned it in the group but did not put it into action.

                Several months later, a member of that group asked me if we would do a presentation at Camp Kahquah’s Seniors Retreat.  Neale made some wood blocks to represent stones.  Together we built our memorial, sharing various stories of God’s amazing grace in the circumstances of our married life.  It was an emotional time of reflection and praise to God for His faithfulness.

                I now share these stories in print.  I want my children and grandchildren to have them as a reminder that this same God can do miracles in their lives as well.

STONE NUMBER ONE – Learning to Trust

                As Neale and I began our marriage, we agreed that God was the Head of our home.  We were very much in love, very poor, and very sure we could trust God in every situation.  In spite of birth control, we soon had four children within five years.  Young children meant frequent illnesses.

                We had very little medical coverage, so every doctor’s visit was a financial crisis as well as a worry about the sick child.  When there were earaches, sore throats or coughs, our first response was to pray for God’s healing.  Many times fevers would come down and symptoms would improve with prayer.  When a doctor’s visit was necessary, God gave us a very understanding and supportive physician who would offer medical samples from his shelves in order to save us money.  Other times, he’d give me immunization solutions and needles, so I could give the children their injections at home.

                The children thought that prayer was the normal approach to dealing with sickness and would suggest this whenever anyone was sick.  God was teaching us all to trust Him for our daily needs, and He was always so faithful.

STONE NUMBER TWO – Healing From Depression

                God made Himself very close to me through a difficult time months before Karl was born.  I found myself becoming depressed when I realized I was pregnant with a fourth baby.  I felt overwhelmed and unable to cope with anything more.

                During one sleepless night, I got up to read from my Daily Light book of scriptures.  From that day’s reading, God spoke to me from Isaiah 41:10-13.  “Fear not, for I AM with you, be not dismayed, for I AM your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you.  I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.  For I the Lord your God will hold your right hand, saying, ‘Fear not, I will help you’.”

                From that point on, my depression was lifted, and the joy of the Lord was truly my strength.  I had always had severe morning sickness for the first three months with previous pregnancies.  This time however, I never lost a meal!  Praise the Lord.

STONE NUMBER THREE – Dealing with Fear

                Baby Karl was just three months old when he became very sick with severe chest congestion.  That night he was unable to suck when I tried to nurse him.  His colour became gray and he struggled to even breathe.  Neale and I prayed and committed him to the Lord, as we feared he was dying.  We rushed him to the hospital where we were told he had double pneumonia and was a very sick baby!  We were thankful that medical help was available and he soon recovered.

                Karl was very sick almost every month after that.  We would get medicine, he would recover and then the cycle would start all over again.  I finally took him to a pediatrician who diagnosed him as having asthmatic bronchitis.  Karl seemed to have no immunity to withstand infections.  Each time the other children got a cold, Karl would become very congested and experience breathing difficulty.

                We did much praying over Karl, as he would struggle to breathe.  We repeatedly saw him relax in his crib and go to sleep when we would pray.  Karl soon began to expect prayer when he would feel his sickness starting.  He’d say his ‘stomach’ hurt and in just a few hours he’d be very sick.

                One night when I was getting Karl ready for bed, he said his stomach hurt.  I responded with telling him that King David in the Bible had said, “When I am afraid, I will trust in Thee, Oh Lord.” (Psalm 56:3)  I explained to him that God understands when we are afraid and wants us to trust Him.  I tucked him in and prayed before going to bed, knowing I would not be getting much sleep that night.

                Amazingly, I woke up in the morning to find a small boy standing in the doorway of our bedroom, his face aglow, saying, “Mommy, Daddy,   Jesus was with me last night and I wasn’t afraid!”  What a testimony to us of God’s faithfulness to His Word and His ability to meet the needs of a young child.

                Over the years, we had several times of special prayer for the healing of Karl.  Dr. Ennis said he’d probably be a full asthmatic by the time he grew older.  At five years of age, Karl was sent to Hamilton for allergy testing.  By this time, Karl had his own relationship with Jesus and was praying for Jesus to be with him that day.  He had the tests, all of which turned out negative and Karl grew to be a very healthy child!  Praise the Lord!

STONE NUMBER FOUR – Attitude Adjustment

                Neale and I were very busy in those years when the children were little.  We had decided that it was best if I would stay home to care for everyone rather than continuing with my nursing job.  Neale worked five days a week for a local contractor as a carpenter.  He left early in the morning, worked hard all day and returned home in time for supper.  Then he’d clean up and be off to a church committee meeting, or a quartet practice.  He sang baritone in the Wainfleet Gospel Four and they were out singing almost every Sunday evening.

                I found it difficult to be solely responsible for the children so much of the time.  It was especially hard to go to church Sunday evenings and try to care for the children alone.  I complained to Neale about this situation frequently.  That was when the Lord rebuked me about my complaining attitude, reminding me that I should be thankful that my husband loved the Lord and His service.

                One evening, as Neale was on his way to quartet practice, he heard the Lord speak to his heart saying, “It’s enough now; get a replacement.”  It was very clear that this was the time for change.  He told the quartet that very night and a young Ralph Sider soon joined the group.  We were so amazed at God’s perfect timing in speaking to each of us so clearly.

STONE NUMBER FIVE – Emergency Surgery

                The summer that Karl was four years old, I agreed to go to Camp Kahquah as the Camp Nurse for one week.  Instead of volunteering to care for others as I had planned, I suddenly found myself as a patient in the Welland Hospital.

                It began with a feeling of abdominal pressure and some urinary frequency.  Realizing that I hadn’t been to the doctor for a check-up since Karl’s birth, I made an appointment for myself.  Thinking that what he felt might be an ovarian tumour, my doctor sent me to a gynecologist.  Two weeks later, he informed me that “it” had grown much larger and that I needed immediate surgery.  My response was, “I can’t because I’m going to camp!”  During the next week,  I had to cancel my plans, find care for the children, and prepare myself and Neale for the experience.  I told him that if it was cancerous, they’d probably have to remove my uterus.

                When I woke up post-op, I found out that I’d had a hysterectomy.  The doctor explained that it was a strange growth coming from the uterus and growing into the bladder, but it was not cancerous!  We could only be thankful to God for His timing in getting my attention to go for a check-up before too much damage was done to the bladder.  The doctor said I could have been left with a drainage bag for the rest of my life!  We were beginning to understand more about this wonderful relationship with our God, who was also the Creator of our bodies.

STONE NUMBER SIX – Carbon Monoxide Poisoning

                Something was wrong!  The children were acting very strange.  It was early morning.  Neale had gone to work and I was getting the older ones ready for the school bus.  They were stretched out on the floor, looking pale and sleepy.  The younger ones were still in bed.  I felt exhausted and just wanted to sit down and sleep.  I suddenly got the urge to phone my neighbour.  My voice alerted her to the fact that something was seriously wrong at our house.  She came over immediately.  We were staggering and retching as she rushed us outside to safety.  She then drove us all to the hospital where we were administered oxygen.

                Neale was called home, very shaken and anxious to find out what was happening to his family. The gas company was called in to investigate.  As Neale retraced his steps, he remembered starting the car and then leaving it to idle while eating breakfast.  When he left for work, he opened the garage door, backed out and then closed the door before driving away.  I had turned up the thermostat on the furnace, to get the house warm for the day.

                After hearing our story, the events were re-enacted to see what would happen.  Sure enough, the house was soon filling up with carbon monoxide fumes.  With a vent from the garage going to the attic of the house, the fumes were sucked into the heating ducts of the furnace and the poison circulated throughout the entire house.

                We were shaken to realize how close to death we had been.  We then recognized that it was God giving me the nudge to phone for help, causing my neighbour to quickly come to rescue us.  A disaster had been averted and God was to be praised!

STONE NUMBER SEVEN – Protection from Lightning (8:52 p.m. Mar 20, 1969)

                Pouf!  The whole world seemed to explode around us.  We instantly exchanged shocked, questioning glances before the house was in total darkness.

                We found ourselves dashing to the doorway from our newly finished library staring at a flaming hallway. The living room to the left was also in flames, with the far wall a mass of fire.  This was so shocking that we barely realized that there was also a huge eight foot hole in the far wall.  There were piles of plaster debris, broken furniture and pictures all around.

                “Phone the fire department,” Neale managed to say to me, but the phone was dead.  We felt desperate at that point!  The place was burning down and what could we do?

                My next thought – the children!  They had been put to bed early after a busy day and were sound asleep.  As I ran downstairs to the boys’ room, I called out to Neale that I could hear a hissing sound in the basement.  I was sure the gas would explode next.  After Neale assured me that it was probably a water pipe, the boys were hastily pulled out of bed and led upstairs in the darkness.  There was no time for shoes and clothes.

                After getting Janet out of bed, we went out through the wind and rain to the car.  Neale started right in to fight the fire.  The last thing I heard as I left the house was the roar of the flames and Neale calling out in quiet desperation, “Oh God, help us!”

                He began to use his hands to smother the flaming insulation paper that was burning all over the hall.  Turning to the living room and grabbing a towel from a chair, he then used it to help smother the flames burning on the wall, floor and furniture.  Neale was beginning to feel relieved at his progress in fire-fighting when he looked up through the charred studs to see the attic aglow with fire.  Now he knew things were really bad!

                In an instant, Neale was in the library taking down our antique coal oil lamp from the top shelf.  He never carries matches, but that day he had absentmindedly put a pack in his back pocket.  Lighting the lamp, he handed it to a strange man who appeared from the highway, and hoisted himself up through the manhole into the attic.  With the lamp in one hand, he began to work to smother the electrical wiring which was burning brightly.  The wind was blowing through, extinguishing the lamp so he stopped to relight it from the fire! (One does funny things from habit when under stress.)  Neale had nothing to work with except his bare hands and it took a lot to smother that fire.  By working quickly, this fire too was soon extinguished.

                Meanwhile, I had the children in the car, and had decided to leave them at our neighbours, where I could also phone the fire department.  Usually the car is put in the garage and the keys brought inside.  That day, I had neglected to put the car away.  The keys were still in the ignition and no time was wasted.  The Urquharts were not home, so I drove back to our closest neighbour, the Postmas.  Their lights were out too, but they were home and urged me to leave the children where it was warm.  I suggested they wrap them in some blankets and Mr. Postma left to see if he could help Neale.

                I still had been unable to call the fire department, but really wasn’t fit to drive.  As I careened along a side road, the car was pulled over on a soft shoulder, learning over at a crazy angle.  Hastily shutting off the motor, I ran through the mud and rain to phone for help at another neighbour’s.  He drove me back home.

                 Instead of being engulfed in flames, the house was unbelievably dark and quiet.  Neale could hardly believe the fire was totally out either.

                The next thing we knew, the fire trucks had pulled into Postma’s place next door.  They must be at the wrong place!  But no, smoke was pouring out at the back of their house.  Neale ran over to learn that our children, Mrs. Postma, her daughter and grandsons were all safe at another neighbourhood home.  Later we learned that when the ladies went upstairs to get blankets for the children, they found smoke and were able to get everyone outside to safety just in time.

                By now, we realized that it had been lightning that had hit our house.  Dr. D. Henderson had been driving by to see it happen.  He described seeing the house outlined in neon lights for an instant, and then all was dark except for a glow inside.  The same streak of lightning must have hit the Postma’s house as well.  Later, we traced the path of destruction left behind.

                Traveling across the roof of the garage, the lowest part of the house, the lightning burned holes right through the ridge cap.  At the end of the ridge, the charge traveled down the gable end following the metal flashing until it found the electrical wiring that ended on the wall.  That is where it exploded, pushing the end of the house right out!  The force lifted the floor several inches, breaking the floor boards, and pushing down the furnace ducts.  The electrical wire disintegrated, burning tiny holes in the floor tile and carpet all around.  The phone was burned out completely and the wiring that passed close to the furnace duct was burned completely off.  In the living room, a T.V. table set was crumpled, a dining room chair shattered, with pieces strewn as far away as the back entrance.  The coffee table was gouged deeply from flying plaster and a stuffed chair was burned and blasted to the centre of the room.

                Trace with us now, the hand of God’s love, mercy and protection through this shocking experience.  Neale’s parents were visiting for several days and would have been sitting with us in the living room that evening.  Instead, they had decided to attend a Missionary Conference in Sherkston and took Kristine along.  They would usually sleep on the living room sofa.  If this had happened later in the evening, they surely would have been killed or severely injured.  The three other children were in bed extra early, so were not in the living room either.

                A friend from Welland had planned to drive out for a visit that evening, planning to arrive around 8:30 p.m. but she never came.  She later said that she tried to come but kept being detained until it seemed too late to get away.  Had she arrived as planned, we would have been visiting in the living room.

                Neale and I were studying and doing desk work in the library. I had done dishes up late, just nicely getting out of the kitchen.  It wouldn’t have been safe there during the explosion, as burning debris was flying everywhere.  In the instant when the plaster was hurtling down the hall, it would have meant instant death to anyone in its path.

                Janet was sleeping with her head right at the edge of the bed by the open bedroom door at the end of the hall.  A huge piece of heavy plaster was sitting on the floor beside her bed, right next to her head.  (These pieces of plaster had been so forcefully hurled that wood door frames were smashed all along the hall.)  Bits of plaster were all over Janet’s pillow and bed, but she didn’t even have a scratch.  A light bulb had even exploded out of the light fixture in that room, with bits of fine glass scattered everywhere.  It was miraculous that at the time of the fire, the children walked out of the house unharmed.  The next day, we had to carefully pick our way through the mess to avoid glass, long spikes, sharp plaster and splintered wood.

                Surely the Lord God, who has such power over lightning and fire, deserves our devotion, love and trust in every circumstance of life.  We are not left on our own, to struggle through life.  As we ask Jesus Christ to take control of us, He does come to live in us with all His power.  He created the whole universe, even the lightning and the thunder.  We felt in a new way God’s great love for us in the midst of this traumatic experience.

                Very early the next morning, God woke me with the words and music of the first line of a song I barely knew.

God is love; His mercy brightens

All the paths in which we rove;

Bliss He wakes, and woe He lightens,

God is wisdom, God is love,

E’en the hour that darkest seemeth

Will His changeless goodness prove;

From the mist His brightness streameth;

God is wisdom, God is love.

STONE NUMBER EIGHT – Emotional Healing

                After the trauma of the lightning incident, we suffered emotionally in different ways.  When Neale would see the pilot light on the kitchen stove at night, he would be convinced there was a fire to be put out again.  Karl couldn’t sleep through the night, but would continually wake up crying in fear.  I’d react to every clap of thunder with a “sinking stomach” and overpowering fear.

                Karl’s broken sleep was keeping us up at night for so long that I was about ready to ask the doctor for a sedative.  When I met with a friend one day and we had a time of prayer, we asked God to remove Karl’s fear so we could get some rest at night.  That very evening, Karl slept completely through the night and those fears never returned.

                The Lord also gave me a dream in which I was back on my childhood farm with many people.  We were outdoors when suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder.  At the same time, a trumpet blast was heard and we found ourselves rising up to meet Jesus in the air!  I woke up filled with excitement and a clear memory of the dream.  The next time we had a thunder storm, I immediately thought of hearing the trumpet of the Lord – and my fear was gone!

STONE NUMBER NINE – Neale’s Illness

                We had moved into our new home on Perry Road just before Christmas of 1977.  Neale was working steadily at his carpentry job in order to meet our financial commitments.  As spring arrived, he complained of extreme fatigue and pain in his knees. When he finally went to the doctor, blood work was ordered to be done the next day.

                On April 18^th, the doctor’s office called to tell us that Neale must go to the Welland hospital the next day for complete bed rest and tests to diagnose his illness.  We learned later from the nurse, that his “sed rate” was up to 128 when normal is 12 – 15!  Suddenly, the bread winner was in the hospital, very sick and I was left at home to care for the family’s needs.  It was very stressful, especially as we did not have a diagnosis.  We sent out a call to all the churches asking for prayer.  With our children studying at NCC at the time, that student body was also asked to pray!

                God began to minister to us in wonderful ways as so many people prayed.  I found words of songs and verses of scripture coming to my mind to encourage me throughout the days and nights.  Money gifts arrived in get well cards on a daily basis.  People came to the hospital to visit and quietly left gifts of money.  One friend gave me his gas credit card to help cover the extra driving costs.  The outpouring of loving prayers and gifts was absolutely overwhelming.

                One night I found myself in tears, feeling so weak and in need of prayer for myself.  The very next morning, Aunt Mattie Pye phoned to tell me her Women’s Bible Study group were all praying for me.  I felt so full of praise to God for answering my prayer of the previous night.  The encouragement came right when I need it.  Neale and I were both claiming Romans 8:28 –  which says that all things work together for good for those who love Him.

                God’s presence was also very close to Neale in the hospital.  He tells of the closeness of Jesus being felt with him during a painful bone marrow test.  He also had a rough man as a roommate, who at one time asked if he could have some of his fruit.  Neale had been saving a big red apple to share with me and when his roommate came over, that specific apple was the one that man chose to eat!  This really upset Neale and bad feelings overwhelmed him.  That is when he heard an inner voice say, “Inasmuch as you’ve done it unto the least of these, you’ve done it unto Me”.  As Neale pondered this scripture, he still felt bad and said, “Yes, Lord, but…..”

                Then he heard that same voice say, “If I were to walk in here, would you give Me the best fruit or the worst?”

                “Oh Lord, I’d give you the best!”

                “Inasmuch as you’ve done it unto the least of these, you’ve done it unto Me.”

                Then Neale said, “Yes Lord, I give it to You.”  What a beautiful lesson from Jesus.  Then, just to acknowledge his human nature, he put the rest of the fruit in his drawer!

                At home, we were trying to deal with the fact that Neale might be terminally ill.  I spoke with the children regarding this possibility and we prayed for God’s will, hoping for His healing touch to restore health.  I kept being reminded of Psalm 23.  The Good shepherd was with us to lead and guide, so I kept choosing to trust and praise the Lord.  One day, when I was working in the kitchen, a thought came into my mind, “What will I do if Neale dies?”

                Immediately that inner Voice spoke with great authority, “Don’t you believe the Father’s words?”

                “Oh yes, Lord, I believe.  Please help my unbelief,” I responded.  This was a very profound experience for me to realize in a fresh way how God was able to monitor my thoughts. 

                 Neale was so very discouraged one Sunday night in the hospital, when God spoke to him from a verse on one of his cards.  “The Eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the Everlasting arms.” (Deut. 33:27)

                Dr. Leon came to see Neale at our request.  As a specialist, he reviewed his case, and felt that Neale was suffering from a viral infection that affected muscles and joints.  He had said that this virus would move to other parts of the body, run its course and then leave.  Since there was no special treatment or drug to help, Neale was discharged from the hospital on May 10^th, still having a lot of pain.

                Two days later, when Arnold Marr visited us with his pastor, we had a lovely time together and Neale was anointed and prayed for again.  This was when we started to see rapid improvement.  Four days later, Neale drove to Toronto Airport to get Lois Jean as she came home from Africa!  Great fatigue remained but strength was gradually returning.  How did God provide for our financial needs during this time?

                Unemployment insurance would not pay us anything because the doctor had said Neale’s fever was ‘of unknown origin’ when he first went into the hospital.  For eight weeks we had no income except from donations that came in, some of which were from people we did not know personally.  These were mostly $10 to $25 amounts, with some as large as $100.

                When the unemployment cheque finally came, the donations ceased!  We had never told people our needs at any time, so we knew it was truly from God.  Neale added up the total of all we received and divided it by the eight weeks without income to find that we had received $1 more each week than the unemployment payments would have been!  God was so good in providing for our needs as we learned to trust Him more than ever before.

STONE NUMBER TEN – Healed Grief

                The summer of 1992 was very difficult for us.  In June, Neale’s mother had died quite suddenly with pneumonia.  She was not only Mother and Grandma, but my very best friend.  She was in her 93^rd year, a godly woman whom we loved and depended on for spiritual leadership.

                We hosted a lot of missionary guests that summer with the big event being David and Jennifer’s wedding in our gazebo. Throughout all the busyness, a great cloud of grief was hanging over me, seemingly unshakable.  In September, Lois Jean left to go back to Zambia.  She had packed up the contents of Grandma’s house except for the kitchen.  I promised to do that later.  Each time I would go to work on the kitchen, I would find myself in tears, unable to deal with the grief.  Sometimes I’d wait until a friend would come to visit and then the two of us would work on the kitchen clearing job.

                When everything was finally finished and packed up, we found places to store the furniture in our home.  We put Mother’s green rocker up in our guest room along with her mother’s dresser, washstand and chest.  It looked so cozy and inviting.  One morning as I was going past that room, I felt drawn to go in and sit down in Mother’s chair for a while.

                This chair had been where Mother would sit in her living room spending hours in prayer for family and friends around the world.  As I sat in it, it seemed like a misty cloud surrounded me.  There were no special voices or even thoughts, just a sense of being closed off from the world and surrounded by a sense of well-being.  After a while, the cloud lifted and I was filled with joy.  The grief was gone!  I went downstairs singing a song of praise to God.  What a wonderful experience!

STONE NUMBER ELEVEN – “God Sightings”  My Journey with Cancer

(written in 2002 to be sent with Christmas greetings)

                THE MESSAGE

                We had just returned from a stimulating and relaxing Prayer Retreat in early June.  It was good to be home, and I was anticipating a great summer.  Family was going to be gathering for an August reunion, and I was anticipating many good times.

                Suddenly I was jolted by one of the answering machine messages.  “Please call Dunnville Hospital X-Ray Department to book a return appointment.”  I recently had my routine annual mammograms and was feeling quite well.  I remembered telling the nurse in x-ray that I surely hoped if there was something growing in my body that it would be identified.  (My friend’s breast cancer had been missed ‘till it was quite advanced.)

                As I sat there by the phone, with all these thoughts racing through my mind, I found myself speaking out loud saying, “Lord, I refuse to live in fear this summer!”

                Can you believe it?  All fear was gone and all I felt was peace as I began the journey of tests and waiting for results.

                THE X-RAY REPORT

                My doctor was greatly distressed as she shared the radiology report of a calcification area which was very probably cancer in my left breast.  My response was very spontaneous and calm.  I explained how I commit each day to God in prayer and trust Him to lead and guide me.  I saw this as a new experience that I could depend on the Lord to see me through.

                The doctor was amazed at my faith, and I responded that faith is more than just feeling spiritual in church – it’s for living life and dealing with the possibility of cancer.

THE VERSE

                One Monday, on tape visitation in Dunnville, I was so impressed to share with my shut-in friends a verse from Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He shall sustain you.”

                I shared this verse with at least six different people and I felt so confident that if we do our part in giving our problems to God, He’ll do His part in strengthening us.  As I drove home at noon, an inner voice said to me, “This verse is for you too!”

                My response was, “Thank you, Lord,”

THE SONG

                The surgery was scheduled for Monday, August 19, 2002.  On the Friday of that weekend, I woke up with the words and music of a song I had sung in church years ago.  I didn’t hear the whole song – just the first line.  “Under His wings I am safely abiding…”

                The next thing to do was find that old hymnal and read all the words.  What assurance of God’s love and care!  On Monday morning before surgery, Neale suggested we sing this song before leaving for the hospital.  There we were, sitting at the kitchen table singing together, feeling the Father’s ‘wings’ of love and protection around us both.

Under His wings I am safely abiding;

Tho’ the night deepens and tempests are wild,

Still I can trust Him, I know He will keep me.

He has redeemed me and I am His child.

Under His wings, under His wings.

Who from His love can sever!

Under His wings my soul shall abide,

Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!

How the heart yearningly turns to its rest.

Often when earth has no balm for my healing,

There I find comfort, and there I am blest.

Under His wings, O what precious enjoyment!

There will I hide till life’s trials are o’er;

Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me;

Resting in Jesus I’m safe evermore.

THOUGHTS ON DEATH

                One day when I was recovering from the surgery, I watched a T.V. interview with a young woman who’d been fighting cancer for ten years.  It was amazing to me to hear her calm statements about death.  She said she had decided to die living, rather than to live dying.  She wasn’t just waiting to die – she was travelling on vacations with friends and having fun.  She had even bought a house and a new grand piano to play.

                I sat for a long time that afternoon, thinking about what death means to me.  Thoughts and pictures from my childhood came to me, as well as the importance of my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I had prayed to receive Him into my life when I was eight years old and had been nurturing that relationship ever since.

                I had this picture of two children playing together at one child’s home.  When they got bored, they got permission to go to the other child’s home to play there.  They were so happy being together.  This picture and its application moved me deeply.  I saw that just as my life here with Jesus Christ as my friend and guide is so satisfying, so it will be perfectly good when He says, “It’s time to come and live with Me in My home.”  He’ll hold my hand as I cross over from here to there.

                When I die, I want my family and friends to remember this picture and realize that I’ve gone to His place forever to be with Him.

CANCER TREATMENT

                This cancer journey alters one’s life quite drastically.  Part of dealing with early breast cancer is undergoing radiation treatments.  One is introduced to many different doctors, nurses and therapists at the Cancer Clinic.  I was told I would have a total of sixteen radiation treatments spread over three weeks.

                This involves stripping to the waist, putting on a gown and sitting in a waiting area, until your name is called.  Then it means lying on a hard table in a very exact position with the affected arm extended on a shelf, grasping a handle.  The breast is exposed – measurements are checked by two therapists, everything needing to be very precise.  The table is raised up high, everyone leaves the room and the radiation machine buzzes.  All one can do is lie there alone and perfectly still.

                I usually didn’t think about anything in particular during this procedure.  During one treatment in the second week, I lay there feeling more vulnerable than usual and wondering just what was going on “in my poor body”.  As the machine buzzed, it was as if I had a screen in my mind, and across it moved these words, “This is My body, broken for you.”  Then the picture was gone.  I finished treatment, got dressed and came home.

                I’ve thought on this a lot since.  I think God was there with me, reminding me that He understands.  He was stripped, hung on a cross, with His body mutilated.  This He did for us, so that our sins could be forgiven.  My suffering is nothing compared to His.  The communion ritual at church will never be the same for me.  My I always remember that His suffering was for me!

2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 MSG

“All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah!  Father of all mercy!  God of all healing counsel!  He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.”

                I did have a wonderful summer, enjoying many activities with family and friends, all without fear.  God’s peace was like a security blanket wrapped snugly around me, keeping out the cold of fear.  I felt so blessed to have loving family and friends supporting with prayers on my behalf.

STONE NUMBER TWELVE – Paraphrase of Psalm 118

(written as a Christmas Letter 2005)

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;

His love endures forever.

Let the house of Neale and Mary Sider say:

His love endures forever.

Let all of our friends say:

His love endures forever.

In my anguish of pain in feet and back

I cried to the Lord and He answered by reminding me

His strength is made perfect in weakness.

The Lord is with us, we’ll not be afraid.

He is our helper and encourager.

The Lord is our strength as we struggle with the pain of a daughter’s broken marriage.

He is also our joy as we celebrate new beginnings with the second marriage of our son. 

The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!

His love endures forever.

We give thanks for quality time spent with family and friends at home and at Camp Kahquah.

We give thanks for a wonderful trip to Hong Kong, for the kindness of Johnny and Buffy and families.

We give thanks for a bountiful harvest in our garden,

And for the provision of a reliable car at low cost.

We give thanks for God’s faithfulness in releasing Grandma Wideman from her suffering

And giving us His very Presence to heal our grieving hearts.

The Lord has done this, and it’s marvellous in our eyes.

This is the day the Lord has made.

Let us rejoice and be glad!

O Lord, grant our friends and family success and health.

May the New Year be a year to bless Your name

And to anticipate Christ’s coming again.

You are our God, and we give you thanks.

God is good: His love endures forever.