Elective Surgery

Today I will go under a general anesthetic.  My orthopedic surgeon will use a scope to explore what is causing the pain in my knee. All my prior surgeries have been as a result of a traumatic event or extreme pain where there was no doubt about the need; no time to question surgery. It just happened before I had time to think or argue myself out of it. This time, I've been surprised at my state of mind and the questioning self talk that has lasted throughout the week.

It's not really THAT bad. What if there's nothing to really clean up and fix? I can live with the pain.  It just comes and goes. Maybe the fact that it's not inflamed right now is causing me to question the need.  But I have to trust the opinion of the professional and be willing to go through the pain to experience the gain.

This morning I also connected to the realization that marriage relationships sometimes need some help as well.  It's too easy to rationalize that it's not really THAT bad, especially when we are functioning well.  But I know that God wants things to be better. I have to trust his whispers to my heart this past month. Even though things are not inflamed right now, I need to elect and choose to make myself better. I need  help to do some heart exploring in a way that only a counselor can assist with.

This afternoon I will deal with the physical body and will come home with bandages and stitches.  This morning I will also make a phone call that will put a specific date on the calendar. I am now willing to begin the work to find deeper inner healing of my emotions. Both actions require trusting God, who is the ultimate healer and restorer of bodies and hearts.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unexpected Beauty

There is snow and then there is fluffy snow. Today everything is becoming frosted in freshness as large flakes waft down steadily. With little wind blowing, the flakes are settling on top of everything, sticking evenly and outlining what is beneath. No longer is the ice, sand and salt visible, as beauty is everywhere. I chose this morning to enjoy the beauty. I know the slippery ice is still there as well as all the dirt and grime from yesterday. Yet I would be missing out on fresh joy if I focused instead on the ice. I'm thinking too of the loses in life that are out of my control to change. It's one thing to feel sad and mourn that loss but it's my choice whether to focus on it totally or look for fresh beauty. Today I want to start a "Beautiful" list, topped by today's snowfall and the names of special people in my life. After that, only time will tell what I will add as I intentionally look for beauty all around me.
Read more

The joy Inside

Here in Canada, we are celebrating Thanksgiving. I love this early October celebration as the trees start to change and show their true colours. It's like we are finally getting a real glimpse of the inner beauty hidden inside some the trees. It takes the harshness of the weather conditions and the lack of nourishment to bring out that colour. In the same way, it often takes the hard times of life and it's challenges to bring what's inside me. Sometimes it's ugly and sometimes it's beautiful but it makes me more aware of me. I am good at pretending; of smiling and thinking all is well. When the hurtful words come out, I'd like to blame my circumstances or other people, because then it's not my fault. It's taken time, but I'm learning to accept myself with my unique colours and allow God to work on the stuff than needs removing. I'm so thankful today for the bits of love, joy and peace that I have experienced in this past year. I see that n
Read more

Step By Step

Step by step, moment by moment, I will slow down to listen, to be loved. Step by step, moment by moment, I will take time to breathe, to rest in that love. You are Powerful and Great, a Rock for the weak I will cling for support, strength and security You are Gracious and Compassionate towards all you have made I will love myself, listening to feelings and needs You are Slow to Anger, Rich in love I will wait to respond rather than react You are Good to all your creation I will choose to see the good in everyone You are Trustworthy and Faithful to all promises made I will speak words of truth and integrity You are a bountiful Provider to those who look to you I will trust you to perfectly provide, creatively putting the pieces together You Open your hands and Satisfy desires I will hold people and things loosely as gifts from you You are Near to all who call out for rescue I will ask with boldness and confidence Step by step,
Read more