Letting Go

During the month of November, when Mom was in the process of dying, I watched the leaves dying on many of the deciduous trees around.  Most simply died and fell to the ground.  I knew that eventually they would decompose and return to the soil, becoming part of the life and death cycle of a tree. Why did some of the trees still have leaves attached?  Why were some of the branches still retaining their hold on the leaves, even after life was obviously gone......or was it the other way around?  I snapped pictures as a way to record my questions.

It's now the 3rd of the month,  three months since we said our final farewells to Mom. My questions remain......
How many things dead and lifeless do I continue to hang on to?
What are the unhealthy things in my life that need to be thrown into the fire?
How can new life come if I hang tightly to the old and familiar patterns?

Being in this "winter season" is exhausting, with it's moments of depression and grief.  Yet as I keep journeying through the hard days, I am often surprised and encouraged when the brighter days come. I am also aware of the habits of mind that want to remain as my "go to" safety net. With that awareness comes choice.....daily.....moment by moment.

Can new life come even as the dried leaves cling tightly?  If the tree roots go deep and get the nourishment needed, then I have to believe that new shoots will eventually appear, pushing off the old.  There are other conditions, most of which I have no control over, such as warm temperatures, sunshine and rain.....that I have to simply keep waiting to come.

"He(she) is like a tree planted by water,that sends out its roots by the stream,and does not fear when heat comes,for its leaves remain green,and is not anxious in the year of drought,for it does not cease to bear fruit."  I'm not alone in this quest for personal health and new life, as my creator whispers and keeps drawing my heart to himself.

My growth process will require the letting go of the old to make room for the new...the old thought patterns.....the old resentments......the old habits.....they all need to buried for good, to decompose and break down. I need to make room in my heart for love and truth.....to keep turning my heart towards God.

I will work at removing some of those dried leaves......hoping that when the new shoots are ready to push through, I will be more able to love deeply and embrace whatever is ahead.